Seems like a good time to write again, I told myself, as I was throwing out some old magazines this morning. I’ve been pre-occupied with packing important stuff and discarding clutter in time for the big move. Well, it’s not that big. I’m just moving to bigger apartment four streets away. I can’t believe it’s already been two years in this small apartment on 18th. I must say it’s been an interesting two years, I’ve had one short lived and one long disastrous relationship in this house, plus a handful of passionate one night affairs. All these moments have left souvenirs, some tangible and some stashed in the deepest corners of my memory.
One gets to examine his life when putting stuff in boxes and plastic bags. This would be my fourth move in the 29 years of my existence. And every move has been a learning experience in the area of letting go. Somehow, this time, it’s sort of a major move for me. Not because it’s a bigger apartment but because I’m slowly getting better at throwing away things or fading away from people that I no longer need in my life.
A friend told me that what I am going through is called Saturn Return, a period where the planet goes back to where it was when you were born. Approximately, it takes about 29 1/2 years for it to go back to that exact spot. And when it does, this period of introspection and change happens. Being a very big fan of the stars and what they mean, it kinda makes sense. I am at a point in my life wherein I see the bigger picture more vividly.
I’ve had seven boyfriends, four apartment moves, a handful of disappointments and some victories in my 29 years. From heartbreak to work related regrets, it seems I’ve touched down on all the lessons I needed to learn. Now, it’s time to implement them.
I don’t actually know where I’ll be in the next few months or what I’ll be doing. There are ideas that involve quitting fashion and going back to writing or pursue teaching finally. Maybe, I’ll just design for friends occasionally and join fashion week every now and then. Or maybe quit it altogether and move to the other side of the world. Honestly, the possibilities are endless and that kinda excites me.
I’m not sure where I’m going yet, or how I’ll get there. I’m fucking scared too but the excitement outweighs the fear. I’m packing my bags lightly and opening the door to these wonderful possibilities. Come what may.
“Stuart rose from the ditch, climbed into his car, and started up the road that led toward the north…As he peeked ahead into the great land that stretched before him, the way seemed long. But the sky was bright, and he somehow felt he was headed in the right direction.”
― E.B. White, Stuart Little